| CRAZINESS MAN.... JUST.... CRAZINESS |
[Dec. 6th, 2006|11:36 pm] |
WHAT???!!!??? Apparently i do have talent??!!!??.......... At the beginning of this week i was surfing online, checking out local theatre websites and came accross an audition notice for the New Milford Community Theatre. They were holding auditions for this hilarious play, Dog Sees God, about the Snoopy gang all grown up and going through idendity crises. I thought..."What the hell!...This could be fun". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..... I don't know how (cause i can tell you...my audition was not great).... but somehow I got a part. The Lady called me today... it was probably the weirdest conversation i had about scheduling and what would work best for me. I just couldn't believe this was happening to me!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA........ this is soooo crazy/RANDOM..... i am still tryin to recover!
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
LOL LOL
LOL.
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LOL. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|10:08 pm] |
It is the end. It did not hit me till this evening. This summer has been AMAZING. It probably is one summer i will look back at when i'm old and just miss... because i truly lived every moment of it.
I just ran my last show for CCL. And now am sitting in an internet cafe on 52nd Street and 9 Ave because i have some time to kill before my train back to the dreaded New England area. A place where there is no small theatre family that i have become accustomed to spending almost all my free time with. No hustle and bustle of the city where something is always happening. And no more phil to get into crazy conversations ranging from his silly $80 Light Saber to broadway shows or the reason we are alive.
hmmm... i am really going to miss phil. I truly never thought i would meet someone as crazy as i am.... and in the exact same way as i am!
And so it has hit me... Something that was really great has come to an end. I am just glad that was able to cherish it and can only hope i will get other small moments as great as this whole summer has been. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|08:50 pm] |
don't you love that you have become so busy with school, a play, acting class, work, apply to many programs you know you can't get into, oh yea and a second acting class! that you no longer have time to see friends and such, let alone sleep??!!! I literally feel like a 40 year old woman!!!!
ha ha
well that's my life |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|08:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Coldplay -- spies | ] |
i've noticed by now that i usually only update when i have something to complain or rant about....
soo.... im sorry....the few of you that do actually read this...look away!!! ha ha
I am just sick of EVERYTHING. Im sick of the two faced poeple that consume those skeletal like halls of the school. They are the type of people that are perky and friendly to your face, but you know that the second you put any trust in them they'll stab you in the back. Then there are the people that don't even give you a second's glance...ha ha....which is everyone for me!!!....im not pitying myself, im really not...i'm just thinking realistically. I am antisocial and i know it, but that is only because to survive in a place known as New England one needs to make an EXTREME effort in order to make friends, otherwise you are just overlooked. THis is because on this side of the country nobody gives a shit about anybody but themselves. I dont make this effort because i dont feel that it is worth it. THESE people are NOT worth it. They are stuck in a world that one year from now will no longer exist. At this point they will panic and realize that now they actually have to live in the real world with REAL people. All these people that i must walk amoung the halls with DISGUST me.
I've been done with this place for quite awhile and it pains me that i must waste away another year of my precious life to this bullshit.
rant complete. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|10:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Death Cab for Cutie | ] |
have you ever had that feelin that everything is out of sync just because all appears to be perfect. You feel impatient for something to occur, but there is nothin really to be impatient about...there is just that feelin of because life seems to be soo flawless that you get the feelin that something is wrong, somethin is going to happing or you just feel very crummy. because life is good you have to screw it up.
well...thats how i've been feelin.
soo all in all things are good, but yet seem crummy...
how does that work???? (haha i confuse myself!) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|05:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Benfolds -- Mr. Jones | ] |
im feeling trapped again.
i dont know why but its this town that does it to me. Its going to a school like RHS. To all the people its seems as if the most unimportant things have become the centers of their lives. I feel like life needs to be more profound than this, more eye opening. But instead i following this monotonous routine from day to day that literally makes me want to not only scream but start ripping peoples arms and legs off. Ha Ha...for all those actually reading this, i already know im crazy! And then when i begin to think it cant get any worse it does! ha ha im mean seriously when im on such a low i dont think i need to hear the girl behind me in class complaining about why we are unable to have a pep rally! She just kept going on and on about about how horrible this is because our school has absolutely no pep! PEP! ....doesnt that word just make you want to scream. Do you really think that 5 years from now you'll care whether or not your school had enough pep! and anyways what the hell does pep even mean???!!! I have absolutely no idea and no care to know....arghhh....for some reason absolutely everything is getting to me....ha ha..that dreaded word...funk!...its even made me less social ..ha ha which is hard to do cause i was never really that social to begin with!
hmmm....i really need to get out...out of this place...out of this town...the city is the only place i can think of but as of this moment escaping/escapading there tomorrow seems very hard to do.
( |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2005|04:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Country Joe & the Fish --- I feel like im fixin to die | ] |
well...for those few im utterly dissapointed in and didnt go see the lesson...it went very well. Its been awhile since ive felt the jitters that only performing provides you..and oh i dont know what i would do without those jitters...i love them soo much. When i have them...its like one of those moments where you just think (quoting ives)..."This is it...this is reality" Those jitters remind me that im really here really doing things...really seeing..really sensing...I feel at one with myself.
Upon reading that one must think that just the amazingness of David Ives has consumed me but really its true...Ives has just helped me to put that jittery feeling into words.
....now off to read Durang!...loren...grrr....i think its you that really got me hooked! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2005|12:23 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | the warmth -- incubus | ] |
im not really sure how im feeling at the moment...but i do know that it kinda falls between just nervous and utterly petrified...im performing in The Lesson tomorrow for the understudy performance and it seems that my nerves cant take the pressure!!!....lol....Tonight was awesome....everyone...Dana, Amy and Chelsea all did an AMAZING job!!!!!! They are wonderful. And...lol...Amy is my idol....she is so great as the pupil that it makes me want to cry! After The Lesson there was the cast party which was great...we had pizza and watched Romeo and Juliet...i love the movie, but it really depresses me and i think the depression caused by the movie is what led to my nervous breakdown about tomorrow....
anyways all i can do is hope that all will be well... :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2005|10:21 am] |
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PLEASE!!!!!!!
EVERYONE COME THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY AT 7PM TO THE ONE-ACT PLAY.......
THE LESSON
jamie says go. so go. because...devons cool
it does make sense that i wrote this in devons lj (me being jamie)
....umm yeah... this was suppsosed to tell people to go, but somehow it got messed up...cough...Jamie...lol ...no worries Jamie i still love you...and for all the others reading this i apologize... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|09:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | M. Ward -- Sad Sad Song | ] |
I know i always say this, but it is true, life is a befuddlement..(one of my profound, but oh so not profound times)...i feel as if all i am ever doing is just waiting around for one of those moments. If someone is actually reading this crazy stuff that i actually think meaningful...lol...meaningful!, then you probably, hopefully, know what im talkin about. I mean the moments where everything feels so amazing you are almost going to faint. i dont think it actually happens more than a few times in a life. Ive only really experienced it once...it was along time ago and kinda personal. But on days like today, when im feeling really upset though i really dont have any reason to i like to think back to that moment i had. And then that brings me to wonder when the next moment might be.
yeah..im just weird
i am feeling the urge to travel... and when i say that i mean like NOW. I feel so uncultured. I need to get out there...see the world...thats how you really learn things, being out on your own, taking care of yourself and seeing new things everyday. Thats better than schoolwork or textbooks. Europe is where i really want to go. I was going there this summer to visit a friend, but well because of indefinite plans on her part i dont think i'll be able to go. Its depressing how much i want to go to europe. I have to find a way to go to europe this summer. Ive been wanting to got there for my whole life and i just cant wait any longer! grrr...i'll have to think of a way... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|10:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  im not really sure | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Eagle Eye Cherry --Comatose | ] |
Umm... work was actually bearable today...lol...it was the first time i was able to actually talk to people while working!!! i was actually able to interact with people!! Elena and i pretty much talked about how we hate shelving the whole time...it was great...We also had a plan to go on the roof...but that plan kinda backfired and we were caught...well i was caught... tryin to open the window by the roof... lets just say it was an awkward moment!!! Hopefully...he doesn't tell anyone else...for if he does...OH WELL! lol...that was all the excitment of my day!
my lovely random thoughts...
yeah..my life is being werid...im really frustrated with it at the moment.. and i don't really know why.. i mean looking around it seems i have nothing to complain about, but yet i see myself still complaining and still missing it. School could be just a small part of that...its not the people(well, actually many of the people do bug me) or even the learning shit, its the high school world...i really hate it. I really want freedom. Freedom from everything. I mean in so called high school i feel the pressure to be someone... i have to have an identidy, but then it feels as if everything and everyone at the same time are not letting you explore yourself to actually find that out ...well all i say to that is fuck it...cause truth is..i have no idea in hell who i am...but it seems that everyone expects me to know...and that expectation always seems to be nagging at me...I really wish i didn't have that much time in high school left...i need reality...and that's not this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  shitty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Incubus -- Mexico | ] |
Hmm.... I think im PMSing...im not really sure....because it has to be either that or the world is really getting to me. So from that i guess you can say im in a real sucky mood right now....
I feel like a failure at everything... The Lesson is coming great... but yesterday i found out theres to be an understudy performance and now im officially freaked. Learning the lines have been fine....but though i know the lines doesn't mean i know anything else about this play and whatever the hell im supposed to do. So yeah.. im screwed and don't feel good enough to be there. Its a wonderful feeling.........That also brings me to mrs. cox...i think its her thats been making me feel so shitty lately....i don't know....i just have an inkling feeling that its her. Today in theater we are doing Cammedia (some stupid ass shit that is not real theater!) There weren't enough parts....Because of this cox pretty much is a bitch to me..telling me i have to come up with my own shitty part that automatically relates to this shitty story we are performing! So i come up with a stupid part (umm...actually steve did..lol..oh well) adn then im told i have to change it cause im useless and theres no point for me to be onstage! Im sorry but commedia is no theater....OH yeah and cox...just because i don't gice a shit about commedia doesn't mean im not dedicated to theater! I've been in theater since i was 8... im not in your stupid class because i think its an easy A or just becaause it seems fun...so PLEASE stop telling me and everyone else to quit you class....BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT I DO CARE!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH..... sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
Umm yeah..lol...im screwed for this weekend :( The library thinks im working friday and i don't know what to do!!! .... i'll figure something out.
life seems to always get shitty just when you need it to be good so you can survive.
hmm...maybe i should try and slow down on the swearing a bit...i tend to do that a lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|01:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hehe i might be a tad horny! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | dispatch -- Born Normal | ] |
UMMMM..... AWESOME NIGHT!!!!.....good times..good times :)
Whats the best thing to do when helping out with make-up at a middle school play??! TALK BOUT SEX! DUH!!! lol
So i was helping out with make-up at the ERMS play with Amy, Lydia, and Katie and somehow we spent the WHOLE evening discussing sex!! An interesting, but OH SO WONDERFUL night! Then after many discrepancy's we consulted our trusty froshmen buddies Nick and Zach who seemed to clear up many things for a few!...LOL...Katie...Amy...Lyds...all i can say is...good times...good times! Also i found Amy needs to learn the correct position to assume...sorry honey..lol...but two fingers just doesn't cut it!!! LOL good times good times. And Nick.... PLEASE....REMEMBER to C-H-E-C-K for the urinals next time you go to the bathroom at school...I better not catch you in the girls bathroom anytime soon!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE lol. There's so much i can't remember it all..lol...it was a good night...tee hee hee
GGGRRRRRR....need boy....Joe :( |
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| Life and its many wonders! |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|06:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  WHAT!?! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | BLUR - Song 2 | ] |
I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The A-W-E-S-O-M-E essay that i wrote( while thinkin "screw u (a teacher that shall remain nameless for i am the only one that seems to HATE her guts!!! :) ) Im writin what i want!"(it was also written at 2am!) was handed back today and guess who got an A!!!! Yeah of course that would have to be me! LOL In so writing this essay i made sure that i did the opposite of what was actually asked of me...well...the teacher that shall remain nameless took this as wonderful creativity and gave me an A! That lady is the oddest person i've ever met! LOL That was the highlight ...And yes if you don't already know it was the essay that i posted on here...LOL... I know... Im pathetic....BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND....IT WAS ONE AWSOME ESSAY!!!!!
Anyways...Amy...my lesbian lover...and i did our scene for theater today and for future reference...having water on stage with me is not a very good idea! I might just spill it all over the stage in the middle of the scene or worse... by accidentley spit on the stage... :0 ... umm...wait...NEVERMIND... THAT NEVER HAPPENED!
i shall now take my grey painted self (LOL...The Lesson) for a shower!!! LOL ..im the oddest person ever...I L-O-V-E SHOWERS! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sublime -- What I Got | ] |
God Dammit...I'm hella tired. Not doing your HW when you have a demon for a teacher is not really the best idea!! LoL...I'm going to be praying my way through these next few months in that class (English --Gabbay = Devil!!!!) LETS HOPE I SURVIVE! :)
Well...anyways... i haven't written in awhile because i don't know what.... WAIT....NEVERMIND.... I'm just Bullshitting you, the few(and i mean VERY few!) readers that actually read this and myself...the real reason i haven't written is that i'm just a lazy old fart. But its all good. LOL ...So pretty much..if it doesn't snow enough for school to be cancelled...i'm screwed. LOL
LOREN SAVINI IS MY IDOL!!!!!!
Today in theater amy and i decided to screw oursleves over and not run lines so we had the funniest time talkin with Loren (MY IDOL!!) instead. In this AMAZING convo she said that following things:
* "I always almost piss myself, I have some sort of urinary control problem.".... then later..."I need to wear a diaper."
Loren...once again... i must say it... You are my IDOL!!!
P.S To a certain few that seemed worried about me...please don't worry...i'm happier than i have been in a long time. :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2005|12:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  i don't know | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Incubus | ] |
Funerals suck. I was just at one and i'd like you to know that they suck. Its because they are pathetic. umm... so..yeah..just had to say that. The funeral was in florida. It seemed kinda ironic being in florida for my break, but not for vacation, the opposite...a funeral.! It was an interesting trip... i can certainly say that! I hung out with my mother's high school buddy's son a lot. I was surprised that i liked him so much considering that lately i have been mainly anti-men and had concluded that all were assholes. It always feels good to be proved wrong about those types of things. It gives you hope in life. And being a strong pessimist, i can tell you that, that rarely occurs! Well..im out. |
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| my random ramblings |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  zum...zum...zum... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dispatch | ] |
People always seem to love admitting that they have bad handwriting or that they are bad at math. And they will also will usually admit to being awkward. They'll say "god, i'm such a klutz!!" But have you ever noticed that no one will to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver????!!!!! |
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| Me, Myself and me Culture |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|12:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bright Eyes | ] |
Homework, typically sucks ass, but today...this one special day... it changed! As i was sitting there about to start bullshitting my way through another pointless essay...i thought...who really gives a fuck about this paper?!!! And the answer to that question was..No One! Why not just write whatever the hell i want??!! And that's exactly what i did. So i took the general idea of the paper and rambled on about whatever was in my head at that exact moment. It is the only essay that has rocked my sox off!!!
here it is:
I have been asked to choose an object that gives a clear representation of my culture. Upon receiving this task I sat and thought for a long while. What would I consider to be my culture? Your culture is what basically defines you as a person. This simple little question tortured me, making me feel like the little child with the dunce hat, sitting in the farthest corner of the classroom. I felt like a failure, unable to even say anything about myself. What object is there that gives an overview of who I am as person? My mind was moving rapidly, trying to find the one thing that defines me. My thoughts kept switching back from, “That’s impossible!” to “Why are you so stupid! Come on, just think of anything!”
I was desperate, thinking of anything and everything. How about my pencil?! That could work! I examined my pencil with all the concentration I could muster. Though it is just an ordinary #2 pencil, I found it very interesting. It was short and stubby due to long hours of use; the tip was very dull, and the eraser nearly gone. The bite marks all over the pencil could indicate either that I have a very bad habit or I get anxious a lot. The obvious meaning of the state the pencil is in would be to say that I am a very hard worker, but that is not something that I would say about myself. Another meaning might possibly be that the pencil could represent all I have been through. It is my life within a nutshell, a weathered me…that has been through both the good times and the bad and at the moment is just an unsure person in general. Yes, what a cute analogy…it still gives you, the reader, no information about who I really am!!
Could the Pea Coat for which I worked, saving all my money for to buy define me? It sure is on me enough to know who I am, for I wear it almost everyday. I’ve worn it so much that it is nearly molded to my body. It was once new, unwrinkled and had that look of perfection that all clothes have while still in the department store. Now it is much, much different. In a sense, it could be more like me. Though I have probably only had the coat for about 4 month’s, it is worn, wrinkled and in desperate need of attention. The hair from my dog now seems a permanent attachment to the coat. There’s a hole in my upper left pocket that is slowly, but gradually getting bigger and bigger, and the coins that fell through the hole of my pocket seem to always want to jingle as I walk. These simple and sometimes comical things could represent, though I hate to admit it, all those imperfections and insecurities I have about myself. Just as I hate to admit that my coat, and the rest of my clothing, are not up to snuff with the clothing of some of my peers that seem to still have a department store look to them. It’s a look of perfection. What does that mean? One could interpret it as saying they don’t have personality; they are not unique. They just try to conform to those around them and they don’t know who they really are. WAIT! HOLD THE PHONES!! This one tiny sentence in my brain brought all thought to a complete stop! How could I say they don’t know who they are if I can’t even come up with a simple little object that defines my culture!!
After much procrastination, it is time for me to tell you the real reason I cannot come up with an object representing my culture. I don’t know who I am. And if you (meaning me) have no idea about who you are, how are you expected to know what your culture is and what can represent it? The defense I have to not knowing anything about myself is that I am a teenager. I am still forming the person that I will become as an adult. I believe you become an adult when you finally realize and accept both who you are with who you want to be. You see, the things that I like to do cannot define my culture or me because I am still in the process of forming an opinion about them. Theater could be an example. I know I like to perform and act in the present, but I am still unsure of what I will feel about theater 5 minutes from now. Some would think that one’s religion could help one define their culture and I have the same type of reply to that. Yes my parents have raised me Catholic, but that does not mean I am Catholic. I am still in the process of exploring all and trying to find the best for me. As one can see, there is so much I don’t know about myself, that I couldn’t possibly pick just one object that defines my culture and definitely not one lone object that defines me.
**** Now doesn't this just rock your sox!!!!???!!!*******
---Pencils are my best friends--- |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|06:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Incubus -- Make Youself | ] |
We live in one fucked up world... Our actions always seem to be already decided for us by others, such as friends and even enemies. I would like to think that we think for ourselves and are individuals...but the more i think about it and notice whats going on around you... we are becoming more and more like robots. I'm not bullshitting u... just think about... You friends mainly only do things that you agree with or approve of...you only do things that your peers think is okay. We don't and we can't form ourselves...we are formed by the 'gazes' of others. AND I FUCKIN HATE IT. becuase of this nothin can ever be simple. i feel like every god damn little thing that i do is judged and ridiculed. And so because of all of this... i'll never be able to just lay back and enjoy life for what it is. Without the joy of life i'm just and empty shell that hates the world and everyone it. I can easily get lost in a sea of fog and never come back to myself...this really scares me. I been there before...and i don't want to go back.
For awhile i thought it was just like this in the high school, but overtime i realized you can't escape it. Running away to ireland or even just to the A school won't solve this...it'll be good for awhile...but then it start up all over again and i don't know what to do.
Not knowing is what scares me the most. |
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| hmm..... |
[Jan. 20th, 2005|11:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hmm... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bright Eyes | ] |
hmm.... this is my first live journal and i'm not sure what to say. My
life really is not that interesting. About 5 minutes ago i was just
sitting here on my bed...listening the Bright Eyes and contemplating
whether or not to study for midterms...when out of no where ... the
random thought of forming a live journal entered my head. Typically i
do not listen to these random ramblings that go on in my head, but this
one rambling felt different. It had meaning behind it! As if God
himself put it there...telling me that i have this profound need to
create a live journal and share my knowledge with the world! Not that i
have much knowledge or wisdom for that matter. for example im not even
sure i believe in God, and yet it was he who told me to form theis
livejournal! Talk about crazy! So here i am five minutes later now with
a new live journal talking to you, no one, for no one knows that i have
a live journal yet. But i think it is more comforting that way becuase
right now i can say whatever i damn well please about anyone. but the
sad thing is i don't have anything of importance to say. That is why i
am now having second thoughts about this livejournal thing... i am not
a writer like my brother...I'm just a fucked up person who's trying to
figure out life. But life is something we will never understand so no
matter what i am screwed. It is a great feeling to know that you are
going to be a fucked up person with no clue about life. I would love to
go on about my fuckedup self, for it is a very interesting subject, but
it is now almost 11:45 pm and i guess i shouldat least try and study.
the hmmm... session is now over. |
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